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Life in the Netherlands through the eyes of a sarcastic expat

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    The Uitzwaai Dag for Sylvana Simons For my expat readers that are learning Dutch, here are some phrases from the Dutch language that you won’t normally learn in Dutch courses. jankneger, aandachtshoer,  Zeurpiet, Klaagpiet, Kutpiet, landverrader, kutwijf, sloerie, vieze teringhoer, zwarte doos, negermongool en aap.” All of these phrases, and more were used by some …

    The post Dutch Tolerance and the Uitzwaai Dag for Sylvana Simons appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    Political Correctness and Racism in the Netherlands One of my favorite songs by the late, great, David Bowie, has the line “turn and face the change ch ch changes.”  I mention this because there’s a hell of a lot of changes going on in the Netherlands at the moment. Finally, a taboo subject, racism in Dutch society, …

    The post Dutch Tolerance Political Correctness and Racism in the Netherlands appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    The Dutch Medical System a guide for expats The Shallow Man’s jolly little blog is often read by expats that have just moved to this denim clad paradise known as the Netherlands. I was genuinely surprised to receive feedback from some, who felt that my blog wasn’t positive enough about this glorious, tulip covered land. …

    The post Things Expats Need to Know about the Dutch Medical System appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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  • 06/16/16--08:50: Pride Prejudice and Brexit
  • The Brexit referendum will take place soon. When it comes to the EU, the Shallow Man is as happy as a Dutch girl shopping at G-Star Raw. For this reason, I have struggled to understand why so many of my fellow British citizens are so keen on leaving the comforting bosom of the EU.  I’m obviously out …

    The post Pride Prejudice and Brexit appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    UK Brexit the British are coming So there we have it. Thanks to a combination of pensioners, the unemployed and flag waving nationalists, many with no clue what they were actually voting for, UK Brexit is a reality. Applause! No sooner had the results sunk in, people throughout the UK cried “what have we done?” …

    The post UK Brexit British Refugees to move to the Netherlands appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    Dressing to be comfortable There are many things that the Netherlands is famous for. Water management, cheese, XTC, cycling, the red light district, and of course tolerantie. These are all well and good, (with the exception of the tolerance part which is a bit of a myth if you ask me) but there’s one thing that …

    The post Edgy Dutch Fashion Dressing to be Comfortable appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    The world’s first fietsburgemeester The Shallow Man recently received the following message from a rather emotional reader. Shallow Man, I find a lot of your posts about the Netherlands upsetting. Yes, it’s fair to say that we Dutch girls dress as if someone has invented a 3D printer that can clone organic matter. But you …

    The post Five Tips for the World’s First Fietsburgemeester in Amsterdam appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    Think of the animosity between Tom and Jerry, Batman and the Joker, or even Beyonce and Kim Kardashian. The common factor here is that these individuals are polar opposites. Moron vs genius, vigilante vs evil, and talent and hard work vs lots of silicone and vacuous opportunism. Since moving to Amsterdam, The Shallow Man has had …

    The post 5 Differences Between Dutch and Russian Women appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    Dutch tolerance, just when I thought it was as dead as disco, out of blue it makes a grand return!  Which brings me to the subject of today’s post, the uitzwaaidag Islam, Dutch tolerance strikes back! Another day another uitzwaaidag event If social media had existed during the time of the NSDAP (Nazi party) things would have …

    The post The Uitzwaaidag Islam Dutch Tolerance Strikes Back! appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    The Shallow Man recently provided his readers with a helpful guide on five differences between Dutch and Russian women. This lead to requests for a similar guide on the differences between Dutch and Russian men. As the stated purpose of my blog is to inform, educate, and entertain, of course I had no choice but to honor the …

    The post Five Differences Between Dutch and Russian Men appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    One night, during a deep sleep, the Shallow Man became aware of a strange presence in his bedroom. He was sure that he hadn’t been on Tinder that evening, and even if he had, an Uber car would have taken the lady in question home already. Upon waking up, he found a man and a woman …

    The post Five Ways to Behave Like the Dutch During a Heatwave appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    As the late but glorious summer fades away, like the last embers of a once passionate summer romance, let’s look back at the fashion trends that made the summer months in the Netherlands so special. Summer 2016 was the season of the clone In Amsterdam during the summer of 2016 it was impossible to leave …

    The post Seven Dutch autumn fashion trends to wear in the Netherlands appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    As a black foreigner living in the Netherlands, I went through several phases when I first came across Zwarte Piet. Prior to moving here, I’d never heard of ZP, so you can imagine my surprise the first time I saw a group of white guys blacked up and dressed as Zwarte Piet.  My reactions and the …

    The post The Kinderombudsman Zwarte Piet and Discrimination in Dutch schools appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    Bella Vista Amsterdam On a cold and rainy saturday evening, I was looking forward to a sumptuous meal in the warm bosom of one of my favorite Italian restaurants in Amsterdam, Bella Vista. Located in the chic Museum District of Amsterdam, not far from het concertgebouw in Amsterdam oud zuid (old south), it’s full of chic looking …

    The post Review of Bella Vista Italian Restaurant in Amsterdam appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    The common scams of Amsterdam taxi drivers One of nature’s greatest events is the great salmon run. Every year grizzly bear families in North America depend for their survival on the return of hundreds of millions of salmon from the Pacific Ocean to the mountain streams where they were born.   The Great Schiphol Taxi Passenger Run …

    The post Five Common Scams of Amsterdam Taxi Drivers appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    Changing Zwarte Piet is hard to do October 24th 2016 will go down in history as the day when the destruction of Dutch society began, from within!  RTL announced that as of 2016, none of their Sinterklaas programmes will feature a traditional blackface Zwarte Piet. The much loved (not black) ZP has received a makeover, and …

    The post What Expats Need to Know About RTL Changing Zwarte Piet appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    A Letter to Justin Bieber Dear Justin, The media is full of stories excitingly reporting that you’re moving to Amsterdam. With this in mind, even though I’m not a fan of your music, which in my opinion is an excellent alternative to laxatives. The Shallow Man has decided to help you by providing seven insider tips, from one expat to another …

    The post Seven Tips for Justin Bieber about life in Amsterdam appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    Ik ben geen racist maar…. Dutch tolerance is dead! It died a lonely, painful, and some would say shameful death. As the coffin was taken to the cemetery, people lined the streets and could be heard saying to each other,  “ik ben geen racist maar….Sylvana Simons”. Which brings me to the subject of today’s post, the …

    The post Ik ben geen racist maar….. Sylvana Simons and the Death of Dutch Tolerance appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    What happens if you take three identically dressed white Dutchmen, Dutch-Moroccans and black men, and send them to clubs in different parts of the Netherlands to see if they can enter? That was the premise of a recent episode of Undercover in Nederland. Which brings me to the subject of today’s post, how to get into clubs in …

    The post Dutch Tolerance and How to Get Into Clubs in Breda if You’re Not White appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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    The Shallow Man believes that he’s made a good job of integrating into Dutch society by exhibiting the following behaviors: Shouting “ik ben aan de beurt”, at the bakery and the butchers, even if I’ve only just arrived and people are standing in front of me. Pushing my way onto trams and metros as soon as …

    The post 5 Reasons Why Using Smartphones While Cycling shouldn’t be banned appeared first on Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man.


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